


Love you long time

by Kikiro (kikirochan)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asexual Character, Bullying, Child Abuse, Coming of Age, F/F, F/M, How Do I Tag, If I Miss Anything Tell Me And I Will Tag It, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Single Parent Dave, Single Parents, Suicidal Thoughts, sex positive asexual, sort of??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikirochan/pseuds/Kikiro
Summary: What do you get when you mix a teenager with a new born baby?
Apparently a single dad...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> if there is anything, anything at all, that you think i should tag, or if i forgot to tag it, please tell me

All you remember is being scared.

You never hid, that would only make it worse. You never stayed away from home when you expected him to be there, that would only make it worse. You didn’t fight back, or yell. No, that would only make it worse.

You started staying to yourself at school, got quieter, stayed indifferent. It was your sanctuary in some ways. You used to have friends, but you once had gotten mad at one of them for wasting food and it started a fight. The school called home and that day it was worse. So you never talked to them again.

You were in school when it happened, at the age of 13, and you don’t know if that truly was a blessing. They pulled you out in the middle of class, took you to the principle’s office. There were two officers and a lady in crisp business attire. They told you that you were going to your mother’s home. That was the last time you saw that school.

You didn’t know you had a mother, or an older sister for that matter. They greeted you with hugs and a kiss to the top of your head. All you did was sit and wait in the room they told you was yours, quiet still, waiting, waiting for him to come, waiting for him to hurt you, yell at you. But it never came, _he_  never came.

You didn’t go to school for a month, a “grieving period” you suppose. What was there to grieve? Would you grieve the lack of freedom? Would you grieve the pain, the way he terrorized you? There was nothing to grieve.

Rose walked you to school. She explained that they had all grades in one building, split between different parts of the building that she called “wings”. She led you into the main office, explained to the adults who you were and they dismissed her to her classes. Someone, the principle you would later learn, then led you to a classroom, your classroom. He spoke in whispers to the teacher and then introduced you to the other students.

“This is Dave Strider, please make him feel welcome.”

You then became the anime protagonist with the window seat in the back of the class. Being the “mysterious new student” could go one of two ways; 1) you would become an instant celebrity and everyone would want to be your friend, 2) you would essentially become a nobody and anyone who is anybody would never dare be seen talking to you.

It appeared, after almost everyone badgering you with questions, “is strider really your last name?”, “where did you go to school before?”, “what kind of music do you like?”, “why are your eyes red?”, that you would become the latter. The weird kid who never talked to anyone and kept to themselves, who seemed devoid of any emotion. You guess it was alright, it could have definitely been worse.

You were surprised one day, during lunch, when someone sat across from you at the otherwise bereft of life table.

“You’re Dave, right?”

“Yeah?” You said around a mouthful of food. The kid smiled at you, it left a feeling of mischief.

“My name’s John, nice to meet you!”

You hesitated in all movements when he was there, but he never seemed to care too much about asking you questions, instead opting to talk about the town, other students, a “festival happening in the other town over that I went to last year, it was pretty cool!”, but you didn’t care for any of it. But still, you listened and didn’t interrupt.

The school year passed without fanfare, you went to the next grade with an average of 86%, really good considering you moved in the middle of the year, and on the first day of summer break, you cried.

They were tears of happiness, tears of freedom. And the next day, you laughed at dinner, when your mom told that stupid joke she always says when the three of you sit down to eat. And she cried, right alongside Rose, both with a smile on their face.

You had started talking to John more outside of school a few months after he first talked to you. He had introduced you to his other friends.

Did he really consider you a friend? When all the two of you really do is just sit together while John is the only one talking?

You guess they were all good people.

Jade was always excited, full of joy, and sometimes cute, like a puppy, often jumping out of the seat when exclaiming something, emotion prevalent in her voice at all times. Once, you must have done something to upset her, nothing anyone says will convince you otherwise, she smacked you on the arm. You flinched something good, not expecting it, you never did, and almost fell out of your seat. She apologized profusely, “Ohmygosh, I didn’t think I hit you that hard! I’m so sorry!”, but you ignored her, kept your head down, apologized for yourself, for whatever you did, “You didn’t do anything, it’s okay!”, it wasn’t ok, you’re sorry alright, you always mess up, you’re an idiot, you deserved it. “Dave, no, please.” You escaped to the bathroom and cried, be quiet, don’t let him hear you or it will be worse.

“Dave?”

You stifle a sob, be quiet.

“Are you in here?”

If you don’t say anything, will it be worse?

“Dave, I know you’re in here, I can see your shoes.”

Whether it will be worse or not, you can’t run now, wherever you go, John can follow.

You hear him sigh. “Are you ok?”

Of course you’re not. “No.”

“Can you come out?”

You hesitate, but you do unlock the stall door and come out, head down, looking at the floor, at your shoes, his shoes, anything. If you look him in the eyes, will he take it as a challenge?

“Why did you run?” You flinch again, you don’t know why and you wish you could stop it.

You just shake your head at his question.

He sighs again. “Will you sit with me?”

You look up at him as he turns around and sits on the floor out of the way of the door, leaning against the wall. You do sit next to him, arms hugging your knees to your chest, you sniffle a bit.

It’s a while before he speaks again. “My mom died when I was four. Dad said it was cancer. I don’t remember her but we have pictures all over the house.” He pauses, a smile flashes on his face, doesn’t last long but it looked sad. “She was so beautiful… I think it fucked my dad up much more than he lets anyone know. Sometimes, he, he mistakes me for her, comes down, half asleep, calling ‘Katherine, is that you?’” He quickly swipes under his glasses. “He insists he’s still married, like mom will just come home at any minute… I don’t think he knows how sad it makes me sometimes.”

The bathroom is quiet again. Someone walks in, uses the urinal, washes his hands, and leaves.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, I don’t know why I felt the need to share, it was stupid.”

“No.”

“What?” He turns his head so he is looking right at you.

“No, it wasn’t stupid.”

You want to bury your head into some sand or dirt and hide, you might die like that, then you wouldn’t have to feel so embarrassed about this whole situation.

“It’s not stupid.”

John stays quiet.

“My.” You take a deep breath. “My dad would, he would, hurt me, yell at me.” You look away from John, you can’t stand him looking at you while you spill your guts. Now this, this is stupid, right now, what you are doing. What are you doing? Why are you doing it? It’s so stupid.

“But you’re okay now, right?”

Hesitantly, you nod, still not looking at him.

“That’s good.” You can hear his stupid smile in his voice. “Come on, let’s go back to everyone else.”

He stands, holds out his hand, and you take it, he pulls you up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your mom, and Rose, are disappointed in you. “Good.” You say. “You should be.”
> 
> “Everyone is important, everyone matters. If you were gone, people would miss you because people love you.”
> 
> No one would miss you, no one loves you. You are a disappointment. You don't deserve to live.

Rose graduated as valedictorian of her class, her speech was inspirational, voice even as she talked. She didn’t pursue a higher education. You feel this decision was made partially with you in mind. It makes you feel sick, thinking of how your sister would rather continue to be with you instead of being successful and doing something grand like finding the cure for cancer. Most of the time, you just ignore her, and she accepts that that is just how you are.

You are now a freshman. All topics of conversation change to learning how to drive, who finds who attractive, who is dating who, who broke up with who, and just sex in general. You consume pornography like a healthy young man, and you swear, no matter how silent you think you are, Rose knows what you do.

Jade begins dating. At first you and John don’t know who, both of you speculating that it’s a foreign exchange student who is an upperclassmen, but she shoots that down real fast and threatens the two of you to a particular type of beating if you continue in your gossiping. She later apologizes to you for the threat and you tell her that it’s no big deal.

The year goes on, same as always, with no big events.

Rose tells you that she is writing a book and would like for you and your mother to proofread the draft. Your mother praises Rose to the heavens and you just tell her “It’s okay, I guess.”, fantasy isn’t really your cup of tea.

John is dating Vriska. It’s sudden and there is little explanation, but she is there, sitting with you, and Jade, next to John, at all times. She bothers Jade about not telling everyone who she is dating. She teases you over not having a girlfriend.

That topic of conversation brings a question your friends don't seem to know how to drop. Do you like anyone? You guess you like your friends. “Yeah, okay, but do you life-like anyone? Like, okay, who do you find sexy?” And you must look really confused, because you don't, really, find anyone, sexy? All you need, all you care about, are your friends.

“Wow, that's really lame. Do you plan on being a virgin forever? Loser.”

You mean, you kinda like girls? Maybe? But there's no one person. And, you might like guys? You don't really know.

“Dave Strider is a fucking fag!”

You avoided people after that. Stopped sitting with your friends at lunch. You could hear Vriska laugh from across the cafeteria.

This goes on for maybe a week and a half, people call you a fag, a raging homosexual, a sinner, tell you that you will go to hell, that no one will ever love you. That you deserve to die. You are a disgrace. Disgusting. Should have never been born.

You skip school. You escape. It feels great.

Your mom, and Rose, are disappointed in you. “Good.” You say. “You should be.” And you locked yourself in your room, blasted shitty music from your headphones. You had hopped you'd make yourself go deaf.

You go to school the next day.

“Thought you'd finally killed yourself, Strider.”

“Guess we'll just have to do it ourselves.”

A girl with hair poofier than Jade butts in, threatens the boys to the same treatment they were giving you, and introduces herself as Feferi Peixes. You tell her you could have handled it yourself. “Yeah, right! One of those boys had a knife! They would have really killed you!” Good, then. They would have been able to do what you couldn't. “You don't actually mean that do you?” 

You didn't respond, just watched her as she seemed to deflate.

“Everyone is important, everyone matters. If you were gone, people would miss you because people love you.”

No one would miss you, no one loves you. You are a disappointment. You don't deserve to live.

“Yes you do!” Tears pool in her eyes.

You stay quiet. Why does she want to argue with you over this? She just met you, she knows nothing about you.

“Why do you care?” You ask her in a whisper. You didn't actually mean to say it, it just came out.

She looks at you, lost. Struggling for words, for a reason, she’s supposed to have the answer for every question, she knows it. But she doesn't.

Why does she care? Why does she care about whether or not someone she's never met before kills himself?

“Because there is no reason for people to be like that.”

Feferi follows you to lunch. 

When you get to the table, a certain someone is missing. You feel relieved.

John greets you with so much happiness in his eyes, you swear that if it wouldn't get him bullied, he would have kissed you. The thought makes you feel weird, like you would have liked it, but also a little scared. Not about what it meant, but just the action itself.

When Jade sees you, she almost chokes on her drink. She doesn't look at you, or your tag-along. You think maybe she doesn't like you anymore, hates you just because you might like boys.

Those thoughts are struck from your mind when Feferi bounds towards her exclaiming her name. Jade appears to be extremely embarrassed and shooshes the newest addition to your friend circle.

When John asks who she is, Jade interjects, introducing Feferi as her girlfriend. John seems to be somewhat confused at first, but after a bit more explaining, he finally understands. “Why didn't you just say you were homosexual? You know you don't need to hide anything from us.”

She gives him The Look™. “You know what people did to Dave. I knew that's what everyone would do! So I'm sorry I wanted to keep my interest in girls a secret.”

“Yeah, okay, that's fair.”


End file.
